


Coffee and cigarettes

by Mei_M



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/F, Friendship/Love, Songfic, UST, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:22:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28755078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mei_M/pseuds/Mei_M
Summary: Hermione remembers the smell of coffee.The smell of cheap cigarettes.Which she hated so much.But loved even more.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Bellatrix Black Lestrange
Comments: 4
Kudos: 27





	Coffee and cigarettes

**Author's Note:**

> I originally wrote it in Russian. So this is just a translated version. Do not hate me. I apologize in advance for my English.  
> And I wrote it listening to this song "Coffee cups and cigarettes - Tomo"

Hermione remembers the coffee and the cigarettes. She never liked the smell of cigarettes, she hated them.  
So hated, and so loved.  
Hermione remembers the balcony. She went out there every time, taking a mug of caffeine and a pack of Winston with her, ready to poison herself again and again just to get a couple of minutes with Her.  
Hermione remembers the sound of sirens, the sound of laughter coming from the neighboring apartments, the soft music coming from the bar a couple of floors below.

  
_Coffee cups and cigarettes_   
_Upon the balcony_   
_A lost philosophy_   
_Breaking down_

  
Hermione remembers her.  
The look in her eyes. Voice. Laughter.  
She was so real. So genuine. Sitting on a shared balcony, all in black. With the unchanged cigarette in one hand and coffee in the other. Always with someone else. Always surrounded by a crowd of friends and admirers. Always in the spotlight.  
Did she know how many hands were reaching out to her? How many people are here just for her? How many hearts did she break, which even after decades will bleed because of her.  
Because of Bella.  
Hermione loved to watch. She just watched her from afar at first.  
Then she would sit closer.  
Even closer.  
Closer each time.  
She would take the cigarettes she hated and lit them, would drink liters of caffeine that was slowly killing her.  
For one purpose only. In order to be closer. Even closer.  
Until one day she touched her palm. Gently and clumsily.  
Bella just looked at her and smiled.  
Hermione became addicted to touching her.  
She got addicted to the looks directed at Hermione, to the way she gently tucked a stray lock of hair, to her gentle words about how it suited Hermione to do her hair like that.  
Hermione never let her hair down again.  
Then Hermione became addicted to the hugs. To the tenderest and strongest hugs.   
They could stand for a long time hugging each other.  
Hermione felt loved in those moments. For the first time in her life. This feeling was unfamiliar to her. With this woman in her arms, they could sit for hours, smoking cigarette after cigarette. Watching the huge city. Until dawn would bring them back to reality.  
Hermione remembers the smell of those nights.  
They never kissed. Not once. But nothing was more intimate than those hugs.  
The woman was clinging to Hermione's shoulder, squeezing her so tightly behind her back that Hermione felt hot. No, not because of lust. Because her heart was about to explode, because of how much Bella needed her. As if she would die if she didn't hold Hermione for one day. For the first time, she could imagine what it would be like to be in heaven. She was at home. She was at home in those arms.  
She was in heaven, but she was also in hell.  
This woman was always in her heart, but she was never hers. Bella always belonged to someone else. To the childhood friend. To the new acquaintance from the bar. Or to the rich chef. Always someone else's, never hers.

_You're like my little sister, Hermione._

  
Spoken with a smile. But Hermione only remembers pain. Her own pain. And tears.  
Then Bella began to belong to another person. To a woman.  
Strong. Beautiful. And rich.  
And brave. She was able to confess her feelings to Bella.  
Hermione had never been able to do that. Because Bella would never love Hermione, right? She would never love another woman, would she?  
But she did. Bella had fallen in love, but not with Hermione.  
 _You're like my little sister._  
Now Hermione hated watching. Now she watched as her Bella, no, never her Bella, as she hugged another person, as she kissed another woman, where Hermione would never feel the touch of her lips.  
She stopped hugging Hermione.  
Hermione still would sit on the balcony every night.  
Coffee and cigarettes were always with her, but Bella was not.  
The soft music was still playing below.

_You don't need me_   
_To function anymore_   
_Take the keys and lock the door_   
_You don't need me._

***

Hermione moved out. She told Bella that she had found a new job.  
She didn't have a new job. She had no job now.  
She no longer bothered Bella with her eternal presence. Never imposed herself again. She stopped calling and texting her daily.  
Because Hermione knew Bella no longer needed her. She never did.  
Then, two months later, Bella herself invited her for coffee.  
Hermione didn’t take her eyes off her coffee. Cigarettes are long gone.  
Bella told her she had to rush to her new boyfriend after their meeting.  
Now she had a boyfriend? Hermione didn't ask. She had long been used to Bella's constantly changing partners.

_Why didn't you call or text me, Hermione?_

_Why didn't you text yourself?_

Silence.

_Did you even miss me?_

_Yes._

Another silence.

_Hermione. You know. I love you._

Hermione knew. "You're like little sister to me" she ran it over and over in her head.

_Yes, I know. And I love you. Like an older sister._

Bella just looked at her.  
A sad smile.  
And in the background a familiar song played quietly.

Coffee cups and cigarettes  
Upon the balcony  
A summer frown has got the best of me  
Won't you confess to me?

_Right_.

Hermione never saw Bella again.

***

Hermione remembers the smell of coffee.  
The smell of cheap cigarettes.  
Which she hated so much.  
But loved even more.


End file.
